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Cancelled Funeral

by Dyslexic Fudgicle

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  • Streaming + Download

    Full download includes 17-page album artwork & lyrics created by the band. Cheeseburgers not included.
    Purchasable with gift card

     

1.
Behold the dwellings of your post death aura You may experience some turbulence if you don't stop whining They don't make seatbelts for your execution But the coffee isn't terrible You appear to have been too lazy Far too lazy to perform at the necessary level The Level needed to act in this world As the model citizen everyone expects you to be But that no one actually likes! So don't just stand there, Flapping your lips in the wind Like some sort of constipated hyena strung out on aderall. Stop talking and lift something! You heard me, puny earthling This is your wake up call on your way to oblivion! You didn't do anything correctly when you were alive You'll probably die wrong, too And after you screw up the act of passing away, You'll be sent back to the earth Probably as some salt pounding punchinello That somehow owes money to homeless people Then you'll be doomed to wander the (baked) Alaskan Tundra Angrily smashing igloos and losing games of cribbage to Polar bears. AT DAWN, WE ATTACK THE FALSE!!!!
2.
You're wasted - and broke. Sucks to be - you dying in the dirt Cancelled - funeral Services indef'nitely postponed Desecrated corpse Left to rot - Bereft of a headstone Inverted - cross lacerate and crash right through the skull You fail at survival And these caskets ain't cheap. It's not like they grow on trees. Not worth a farewell I'll carve it in your face (spits) Send flowers somewhere else. No one to mourn you Just like I told you You're no friend of mine I'd have supported if you were aborted 'cause Baby you ain't worth my time Eleven years on A metal band - That no one's ever heard Come too far - to stop Should probably - be dead like six times over Spread across - five states Cacaphonous - Rock blows out your headphones Banned from - Hoover Dam for Practicing - The Scumfuc Tradition You fail at survival And these caskets ain't cheap (bitch). (Some coffins are antiques!) Not worth a farewell Carve my name in your face (barf) Go fuckin' hang yourself. No one to mourn you Just like I told you You're no friend of mine (no remorse entwined) I'd have supported if you were aborted 'cause Baby you ain't worth my time (not even a dime) Wake up to the sea lion barking at the dawn Let me hear you scream - from the mountaintops Gotta stash my herb through Arizona state Gonna drink a keg of gasoline and set Sedona Ablaze We'll raise the Lone Star flag for Dime's Black Tooth We smoked some blue amphetamine in the streets of ABQ Blunted on the strip in Vegas, set my soul on fire One more game of blackjack before I retire Left our mark on the walls of (the) Sub-Mission Said goodbye to San Francisco, ('cause) there's still work to be done Gather up the dead in the north east Suck the Bay State dry and vomit to the west coast Leak embalming fluids down to Austin's house Mix them with Rhode Island slime Top dollar on headstone re-sale Leave us unburied this time Even in death, we pollute your scene Can't charge the dead; it ain't no crime to be seen This space for rent; no place to rest your soul Get off the property; eviction notice on your 6 foot gaping hole Is that a bear?
3.
Can you feel the news today? Got it straight – from the TSA Protecting us from us With legal airport – rubber glove lust You may feel the urge to squeal For Uncle Sam – they’ll cop an extra feel Before I fly to Bangkok They want to find a bomb behind my cock - How can I show Distain for this deed? I’m not a terrorist And I’m all out of weed Soon, they’ll see me naked On a teleprompt screen Time to get an erection Give them a reason to scream You think you’re in control I’m not your average hellion What I’ve got in my pants Will lead a new rebellion Take – a – look – at – this! My cock displays it’s might Fueled by thoughts Of the strip-joint last night - I heard you yell it right out loud Can you see it – standing tall and proud Can you see it’s pulsing vein? Can you smell – the hooker from baggage claim They call over the TSA’s best He’s big and black – his hands are on my chest He pats me down and slaps me around He thinks my loins have got some extra rounds How can I show Distain for this need? I’m not a terrorist And I’m all out of weed Soon, they’ll see me naked On a teleprompt screen Time to get an erection Give them a reason to scream Why is this allowed? This is not your church You won't find a shotgun with a Body cavity search I-think-next-time I’ll hide it with a sock They seem to think that I can Blow the plane up with my cock
4.
You know I love it when you cum And girl I think your body's out of this world You're the first one that I call Our love will soon be topological Those first 10 minutes are always quite a run But you're only half way there when I'm already done I have heard this kvetch for the last time Enter the realm of my intergalactic crime I'm gonna leave you starstruck As your event horizon opens up Inside you galaxies explode Exotic matter of your particles Will you let me cross that Einstein Rosen bridge? Let's synchronize our clocks for a simultaneous finish I'll ejaculate my soul just to shatter your earth And make Roman Rings find a brand new girth (I'm gonna leave you starstruck As your event horizon opens up) I'm gonna leave you starstruck As your event horizon opens up Inside you galaxies explode Exotic matter of your particles Like finally fornicating in the wormhole Finding that spot is like pushing light With your might - in hindsight Right - through the white hole If you are not pleased, I won't be shielded from bitter haste Add another dimension - to our love Calculate that in Anti-de Sitter space Won't be a waste of baby paste Your soul won't be ripped and torn Suck on Gabriel's neverending Horn Paradox resulting in clymax Will show that quantum theory of her timelike curves are non orthogonal Vaccum up equations across the Einstein field spacetime is now edgeless for trajectory's sheild Many galaxies our love has defiled We now have conceived the unholy Shwartzshild
5.
She's tailor made to know what I can't resist Once I'm there, her hooks are in It's like I never knew what pleasure was Focused on the scent that's coming from her curves She's reading all the signs from the pupils in my eyes - That moment when you realize you're lusting after someone Only 'cause they wanted you and arranged it their way She can tell by the side of the bed in which I sleep My level of submission on the floor in which I creep Reading all my thoughts as I look into your eyes I crumble to her delight and sever other ties Her voice is a constant never changing song Carried to the gates as she drags me along Like an accident when my fetish hits her lips I turn around to look to her pointing finger tips Caught in a web that's more than just a game Dissected right down to the spelling of my name If it is true that I'm a fire breathing twelve She is undoubtabley six Opposites attract, and some spells can be blocked But it's all being read from the synthesizer clock When she's done with me I'll pray for Shinigami Ameonna assures that it rains in my heart I await Hiyoribō as my lover returns I am her victim for the fire melts the bell of Kiyohime!!! Feeding her my thoughts as I look into her eyes I crumble to her delight and sever other ties Her voice is a constant never changing song Carried to the gates as she drags me along Like an accident when my fetish hits her lips I turn around to look to her pointing finger tips Caught in a web that's more than just a game Dissected right down to the spelling of my name Without even looking, she knows that I'm focused on the laces of her stockings that are hidden right in plain sight For those that dare to believe the spell is compleat Gazing at showing of the law of the forbidden That she's left for me with crystalized intelligence Ough Now that I have seen this, I am free To slay the one who is obsession
6.
5,4,3,2 The pulse of the night is silenced with that beat That haunts me in my car and every time I try to sleep In an elevator, it haunts me underground How can anyone again want to hear this programmed sound Need to find the source of this kryptonite Need to find my sanity before the hint of morning light Blood hits the floor at a calculated rate creates percussion to the sounds soon that I intimidate I'm gonna slice your throat to the beat of the massacre Your jugular shoots blood to the rhythm of love I'm gonna shoot through your skull to the beat of the massacre The dance floor soaked with the blood of hippie hobo hipsters I'm gonna snap your bones to the beat of the massacre Omoplota, gogoplota, cook your limbs on fresh fococcia Yeah, I'll electrocute you to the beat of the massacre A shock to your system that's taken from a live substation (Whoa) I'm gonna smash your speakers apart (Whoa) I'm gonna flip this fucking shopping cart There are many ways that I can lend a hand When your situation reaps extinction, warrants death across the land For your limbs on the ground you scrounge I left my shotgun at The Assassin's Lounge! If you don't shut that fuckin' shit off, I'm gonna take that radio and shove it So far up your fucking ass, The antenna's gonna come outta your eye sockets! I'm gonna cheese grate your face to the beat of the massacre Like a paper shredded face that I'll hang from the limo mirror I'm gonna light you on fire to the beat of the massacre Burn your skin and peel it back before I lick it raw (Finally it happened to me, right in front in my face and I just cannot hide it) I'm gonna poison your food to the beat of the massacre Unless you're Rasputin, then this arsenic has too much gluten (Finally it happened to me, right in front in my face and I just can't describe it) I'll interrupt your eulogy to the beat of the massacre Your dances may live on but your soul is forever gone
7.
Don't ask my sign - I've never known All that I know is repititions of death No chance of - A past life Regression or redemption alike My past lives - are nothing but Centuries of perpetual abortions Everytime I'm born - I'm put to death My spirit has never been allowed to live Until this life I'd never lived As old as any spirit around me I've never lived to tell a tale Death is all I feel Finally in this life I live to adulthood Old enough to hold a gun An innocent goes down Hear the banshee's scream Death is what you'll feel Hell is in your eyes I don't want my soul to heal Your soul escapes - it is blessed My soul escapes - a foul smell No progress on earth - not worth your fight When in hell - I finally burn bright That piercing cry - I'll feed you pain A sacred sound eclipsed by my screaming sorrow A Summoning - to swallow thee At least she'll be free her from her suffering The one who seeks - shall hear me now To stop the havoc wrought on by your blood red eyes Tonight's the night - I end it all I shall inhale the wailing yell from beyond our world When my spirit explodes and my essence fades It's spread across the universe like little fragments of evil. They are pieces of What I became and inverted reflections of who I should have been You know better than to cast the spell that allows my return in brooding robes walking away from my sorrow; a journey too far to reach in a single life cycle. Ahhhhh Ahhhhhh
8.
Outside the bar, drinking again Got a rattlesnake suitcase full of cheap gin sixty years old, looks a hundred and five Still thinks he's king of the local bar dive Still hits on freshman girls like it's his job 9 to 5 Half of them aren't even sure he's alive Slap him in the face, on him he thinks they fawn Level of amusement generates a big yawn He's finally gonna get some play - Amen The yellow skinned menopause mama wants him Imagine how beautiful she'll look next to him As soon as his angel eyed beer goggles kick in Outside the bar, drinking again Got an old man's denture clad, shit eating grin Another girl in the bar avoiding this guy His iron pyrite guido chain shines in her eye Dollar store cologne stinks up the bar Curly chest hair sticks out past his collar She winces with disgust as it tickles her nose The wind blows by because of how fast she goes We're gonna die, yes we will All the same in the end, yes we do But when you die, the story that you left behind Will bore us blind, yes it will And so, we pull together, feel it strong Better stories, to live on, keep it long Campfire burns so bright-Don't  chase the light out of sight Don't make us yawn into the night Told where to go by every young lady They can't relate to things like social security One last, little effort to this night he can inject Came back later, car air fresh'ner 'round his neck The bouncers had enough; it's time that he's gone Sitting outside, even the awning 'gins to yawn Your story is too old and is just over done To all the awnings out on the strip, we yawn on And they yawn on And we yawn on The ladies of the evening yawn on And we all yawn on.... And onward we yawn Hear her, she yawns And we yawn on.... (Yawn) Outside the bar, drinking again He's finally banned for life, left alone with his sin At least you're a lot closer to 21 In your next life than you are in this one. And they yawn on And we yawn on And soon the ladies of the evening will yawn on
9.
I wake in a sweat in the dead of the night And remember a dream of fog and headlights Now it's 3am and I can't get back to sleep Might be because I sweat through the sheets All these visions clouding my mind it's 3am and I open my eyes You're in my head, controlling my thoughts Why am I seeing Garett Jacob Hobbs? I'm not insane, these aren't my crimes Because of you I'm doing time I will prove it's you, if it's the last thing I do (This is my design.) I'll be on the outside Cross me once I'll cut your throat, Rip open your chest and pull your tongue through the hole Cross me twice, it doesn't matter I'll make your last meal your brain on a platter I'll mount you on antlers and leave you in a meadow Rip out your guts and play them like a cello I'll help myself to your organs, such fine cuts of meat, Feed your face to some dogs during this wonderful feast I'll remake you in my image, put thoughts in your head Control all your movement til you're almost dead I will make you suffer for my crimes For they call me the Ripper and This is my design I see visions of man, I see visions of deer, clock's ticking backwards, I'm not sure what's real I see illusions of my deepest fears, all alone wide awake, fighting the urge to kill Consult me to catch my kind? Not going to earn peace of mind Your logic sounds sludgy Just hope you aren't too ugly bury this knife deep into your heart Look in your eyes because I know who you are You'd betray me, If not I you; As you lay bleeding, you may ponder that truth there is a plan for those - that I select, - witness the agony of those you swore to protect My design surpasses yours, Next time you join for dinner, you may be the main course Deep underground, my skin is turning read I'm wearing your severed face as my own head At your cries, I just laughed You'll find the body in the elevator shaft Don't look at me, mister Just cause I ate my own sister I'll still take your life for insulting my step aunt wife Consult me to catch my kind? Not going to earn peace of mind Your logic sounds sludgy Just hope you aren't too ugly You cut out my guts I'll retire for a few years Then I'll come after you Just look for me in Florida I've got the face of a Picasso painting I can catch a killer Then drink you under the table You can't stop me now! I'm a human cubist! Every side of my face is frowning at you My mentor will have a fit! You're fired from your job as a serial killer Go vomit your sister's flesh! Someone sung this song for Satan 666 The source is Satan

about

Dyslexic Fudgicle (TORN FLESH RECORDS) presents their seventh full-length album, "Cancelled Funeral." Production duties were split among band members Nickelsack/G. Burgermeister and audio engineer Evan Sammons (drummer of progressive metal act Last Chance to Reason). Evan performed as session drummer on the record, in addition to mixing/post-production duties. Recording sessions for this album have taken place in Texas, California, Massachusetts, Rhode Island & Maine, between 2013 and 2015.

Dyslexic Fudgicle was founded in 2003, in Fitchburg, MA. They gained notoriety on the East Coast during the late 2000's for throwing cheeseburgers during their live shows in addition to their trademark outlandish lyrics and subject matter. Not for the faint of heart, D.F. delivers a heavy, genre-bending experience tying together elements of metal, comedy and a unique stage show. (TFR1087) (DFLP_07)

credits

released April 16, 2015

"CANCELLED FUNERAL"
Written/Performed by:

Nickelsack Divinorum - Guitars, Bass, Additional Vocals, Synth
G. Burgermeister - Lead Vocals, Additional Guitars
Syren - Additional Vocals, Additional Guitars

Featuring:
Evan Sammons - Drums

All Guitars*, Bass, Synth, and Nickelsack & Syren's vocals were Produced & Engineered by Nickelsack Divinorum
(* = except G. Burgeremeister's lead in Yawning Awning, produced by G. Burgermeister)
- Sandwich, MA
- San Francisco, CA
- Austin, TX

All G. Burgermeister's vocals Produced & Engineered by G. Burgermeister
- Providence, RI

All Drums Produced & Engineered by Evan Sammons
All songs Mixed & Mastered by Evan Sammons
- Belgrade, ME

Additional Guitar Engineering by: Syren
Additional Post-Production: Evan Sammons

Additonal Guitars in "To the Beat of the Massacre" arranged by D. Math


Dyslexic Fudgicle is:

G. Burgermeister - Lead Vocals, Guitar
Nickelsack Divinorum - Bass, Additional Vocals
Syren - Guitar, Additional Vocals
"The 'W.'" - Drum Machine

Dyslexic Fudgicle use Gibson Guitars.

Cover art illustrated by Syren, Color by Nickelsack [Contempt.Media]
Album Layout by Nickelsack
DF Logo designed by G. Burgermeister
Additional Artwork by Nickelsack, G. Burgermeister & Syren

RIP Jay Frye, David "Elmo" Lariviere

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Dyslexic Fudgicle Providence, Rhode Island

Officially formed in 2003 (although their roots allegedly date back to the Civil War), Dyslexic Fudgicle plays offbeat metal and rock songs about oatmeal, hookers, midgets, owls, and former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader/WWE Diva, Stacy Keibler. They have a reputation for their live shows which involve fast food being hurled into the audience. ... more

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