So Heavy, God Can't Lift Us

by Dyslexic Fudgicle

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about

DF_SEED07

DYSLEXIC FUDGICLE MIXTAPE:
Greatest Hits 2006-2016, curated by G. Burgermeister.
Cover art by Anjilla Ulfhednar / Goldtooth Studio
Additional mastering by Nickelsack Divinorum

credits

released June 10, 2016

Dyslexic Fudgicle is:
Ugly Butler
Nickelsack Divinorum
Grond
The Hardest Core

This recording features performances from:
G. Burgermeister
Nickelsack Divinorum
Billy Silvers
The "W."
Syren
Emilio
D. Math
Riki V. Stormrider
Yanni DiNingwie Thunder

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Dyslexic Fudgicle Providence, Rhode Island

Officially formed in 2003 (although their roots allegedly date back to the Civil War), Dyslexic Fudgicle plays offbeat metal and rock songs about oatmeal, hookers, midgets, owls, and former Baltimore Ravens cheerleader/WWE Diva, Stacy Keibler. They have a reputation for their live shows which involve fast food being hurled into the audience. ... more

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Track Name: Angry Black Sergeant
I talk to my gun 'cause I'm not insane
Par for the course for a mad sergeant's brain
Gun talks to me, 'cause I gave it a name
All LA crime will go up in flames

It doesn't matter if you're left or right
I gun down every politician in my sight
It doesn't matter if you're alive or dead
Arresting every criminal after I shoot them in the head

Piles of paperwork
Bombs going boom
Hapless victims
In unmarked tombs
Decades of coffee
Bootlegging wombs
My cocaine supply
In the evidence room
More parking tickets
Than there are cars
Distracted by hookers
That just left the bars

Every cop on the force
Is afraid they'll be dead
(If) you're one minute late
I'll blow off your head

My chase in on CNN
As I battle my strife
Shoot through my ceiling
(While I) hate-fuck my wife
Angry Black Sergeant
With a gun like a knife
I'm a walking stereotype
That's just come to life
Track Name: International Erection
Can you feel the news today?
Got it straight – from the TSA

Protecting us from us
With legal airport – rubber glove lust

You may feel the urge to squeal
For Uncle Sam – they’ll cop an extra feel

Before I fly to Bangkok
They want to find a bomb behind my cock

-

How can I show
Distain for this deed?
I’m not a terrorist
And I’m all out of weed
Soon, they’ll see me naked
On a teleprompt screen
Time to get an erection
Give them a reason to scream

You think you’re in control
I’m not your average hellion
What I’ve got in my pants
Will lead a new rebellion

Take – a – look – at – this!
My cock displays it’s might
Fueled by thoughts
Of the strip-joint last night

-

I heard you yell it right out loud
Can you see it – standing tall and proud

Can you see it’s pulsing vein?
Can you smell – the hooker from baggage claim

They call over the TSA’s best
He’s big and black – his hands are on my chest

He pats me down and slaps me around
He thinks my loins have got some extra rounds

How can I show
Distain for this need?
I’m not a terrorist
And I’m all out of weed

Soon, they’ll see me naked
On a teleprompt screen
Time to get an erection
Give them a reason to scream

Why is this allowed?
This is not your church
You won't find a shotgun with a
Body cavity search

I-think-next-time
I’ll hide it with a sock
They seem to think that I can
Blow the plane up with my cock
Track Name: My Satanic Lover
She's tailor made to know what I can't resist
Once I'm there, her hooks are in
It's like I never knew what pleasure was

Focused on the scent that's coming from her curves
She's reading all the signs from the pupils in my eyes
-
That moment when you realize you're lusting after someone
Only 'cause they wanted you and arranged it their way

She can tell by the side of the bed in which I sleep
My level of submission on the floor in which I creep

Reading all my thoughts as I look into your eyes
I crumble to her delight and sever other ties

Her voice is a constant never changing song
Carried to the gates as she drags me along

Like an accident when my fetish hits her lips
I turn around to look to her pointing finger tips

Caught in a web that's more than just a game
Dissected right down to the spelling of my name

If it is true that I'm a fire breathing twelve
She is undoubtabley six

Opposites attract, and some spells can be blocked
But it's all being read from the synthesizer clock

When she's done with me I'll pray for Shinigami
Ameonna assures that it rains in my heart

I await Hiyoribō as my lover returns
I am her victim for the fire melts the bell of Kiyohime!!!

Feeding her my thoughts as I look into her eyes
I crumble to her delight and sever other ties

Her voice is a constant never changing song
Carried to the gates as she drags me along

Like an accident when my fetish hits her lips
I turn around to look to her pointing finger tips

Caught in a web that's more than just a game
Dissected right down to the spelling of my name

Without even looking, she knows that I'm focused on
the laces of her stockings that are hidden right in plain sight
For those that dare to believe the spell is compleat

Gazing at showing of the law of the forbidden
That she's left for me with crystalized intelligence
Ough
Now that I have seen this, I am free
To slay the one who is obsession
Track Name: Jambox of Culture
Yeah!

(Culture shock... it's my anti-drug!)

Thrown into this world of sin
We'll entertain you all we can
When out of drugs, the pipe we'll scrape
We know you'll rock out to our tape

(If) you like the sound of rock n roll
Fuck the world and smoke a bowl
If it's who you are, don't fight it
Load up this bong and light it
Ride!

Boner lines
All the time

So there I was, on the shrink's couch due to a recent court mandate
And the guy asks me:
"Son, why you doin' lots o' drugs?"
Nobody had ever asked me that before, I guess I'd never really thought of it.
In fact, there was so much in the world that I'd never considered before...
So many places I'd never been to and wanted to see....
That's when I, Nickelsack Divinorum, decided to quit doing drugs once for all.
Now, I now it's hard to believe, but it's true.
I was free to travel the world, to walk the earth.
First thing I did was ride my bike to Minnesota
Where I purified myself the waters of Lake Minnetonka.
I met a Native American man who inspired me to listen to Mr. Bungle and Tomahawk.
I then travelled to Qinghai, China, where I became cloistered as a Tibetan monk.
I shaved my head and only listened to Hare Krishna hardcore from the 80's, like 108 and Shelter.
I learned much from listening to the teachings of Brother Cappo, but I still felt like something was missing.
So I went to Jamaica, where I studied the teachings of Hallie Selassie, the conquering Lion of Judah.
It was then that Jah Rastafari himself spoke to me... He looked an awful lot like that shrink before... It may very well have been the same guy, he said:
"Son... shoot up this heroin..."
So I did.
Fuck this shit! Back to America, time to rock!
So the moral of this story is:
If you go to Jamaica, you might as well do drugs anyway...
'Cause, I mean... you know, fuck it... you're already in Jamaica.

Climb out of this world of shit
Reward us with some un-fake tits
No longer can get high from pot
Must shoot up until she's hot

(If) you like the sound of rock n roll
Fuck the world and smoke a bowl
If it's who you are, don't fight it
Load up this bong and light it
Ride!

Boner lines
All the time
Track Name: Lawnmower Lust
You are standing on the wings of the garden
You have the passion of an anime character in your eyes

I have feelings for you like the air of 1,000 bathrooms
The platypus that lives in my head says you're the perfect size
I am about to show you my sensitive side
So I'll chase you with a lawnmower until you fall in love before my eyes

Run!
Run!
Run!
Here comes the blades
Run!
Run!
From my lawnmower, love cascades

Now I will chase you until you submit
The blades of my lawnmower crave your tits
You would be hot even if you weighed a ton
Now I will mow you down in more ways than one

I can't explain why I feel this way
Making you my garden gnome makes my day
I want you in my lawn-care path of destruction

Run!
Run!
Run!
Here comes my lust
Run!
Run!
Run, my mower is in must

Now I will chase you until you submit
The blades of my lawnmower crave your tits
You would be hot even if you weighed a ton
Now I will mow you down in more ways than one

Now I will chase you until you submit
The blades of my lawnmower crave your tits
You would be hot even if you weighed a ton
Now I will mow you down in more ways than one
Track Name: Vivica Wormhole Fornicators
You know I love it when you cum
And girl I think your body's out of this world
You're the first one that I call
Our love will soon be topological

Those first 10 minutes are always quite a run
But you're only half way there when I'm already done
I have heard this kvetch for the last time
Enter the realm of my intergalactic crime

I'm gonna leave you starstruck
As your event horizon opens up
Inside you galaxies explode
Exotic matter of your particles

Will you let me cross that Einstein Rosen bridge?
Let's synchronize our clocks for a simultaneous finish
I'll ejaculate my soul just to shatter your earth
And make Roman Rings find a brand new girth

(I'm gonna leave you starstruck
As your event horizon opens up)

I'm gonna leave you starstruck
As your event horizon opens up
Inside you galaxies explode
Exotic matter of your particles

Like finally fornicating in the wormhole
Finding that spot is like pushing light
With your might - in hindsight
Right - through the white hole
If you are not pleased, I won't be shielded from bitter haste
Add another dimension - to our love
Calculate that in Anti-de Sitter space
Won't be a waste of baby paste
Your soul won't be ripped and torn
Suck on Gabriel's neverending Horn

Paradox resulting in clymax
Will show that quantum
theory of her timelike curves
are non orthogonal

Vaccum up equations across the Einstein field
spacetime is now edgeless for trajectory's sheild
Many galaxies our love has defiled
We now have conceived the unholy Shwartzshild
Track Name: To the Beat of the Massacre
5,4,3,2

The pulse of the night is silenced with that beat
That haunts me in my car and every time I try to sleep
In an elevator, it haunts me underground
How can anyone again want to hear this programmed sound

Need to find the source of this kryptonite
Need to find my sanity before the hint of morning light
Blood hits the floor at a calculated rate
creates percussion to the sounds soon that I intimidate

I'm gonna slice your throat to the beat of the massacre
Your jugular shoots blood to the rhythm of love

I'm gonna shoot through your skull to the beat of the massacre
The dance floor soaked with the blood of hippie hobo hipsters

I'm gonna snap your bones to the beat of the massacre
Omoplota, gogoplota, cook your limbs on fresh fococcia

Yeah, I'll electrocute you to the beat of the massacre
A shock to your system that's taken from a live substation

(Whoa) I'm gonna smash your speakers apart
(Whoa) I'm gonna flip this fucking shopping cart

There are many ways that I can lend a hand
When your situation reaps extinction, warrants death
across the land
For your limbs on the ground you scrounge
I left my shotgun at The Assassin's Lounge!

If you don't shut that fuckin' shit off,
I'm gonna take that radio and shove it
So far up your fucking ass,
The antenna's gonna come outta your eye sockets!

I'm gonna cheese grate your face to the beat of the massacre
Like a paper shredded face that I'll hang from the limo mirror

I'm gonna light you on fire to the beat of the massacre
Burn your skin and peel it back before I lick it raw

(Finally it happened to me, right in front in my face and I just cannot hide it)

I'm gonna poison your food to the beat of the massacre
Unless you're Rasputin, then this arsenic has too much gluten

(Finally it happened to me, right in front in my face and I just can't describe it)

I'll interrupt your eulogy to the beat of the massacre
Your dances may live on but your soul is forever gone
Track Name: Oatmeal Invented Jerusalem
He's runnin' for mayor
Governor too
But he can't see nothin'
With those...

Titties in my face
Everywhere

Why are you running for cover?
Is it cum?
I don’t even want to hear you
Because I’m too busy looking at those

Titties in my face
Everywhere

He dunked his head
In the toilet
On Howard Stern
But he knows….

Titties in my face
Everywhere

I speak unto the world:
I like my burger cooked medium rare
Oatmeal and titties in my toilet
Put your ham down and ride a dolphin through town
Track Name: The Curse of Myles Standish
There's a price we pay
For the crimes we commit today
Curse of Myles Standish Begins
Trapped in the forest for our sins

'Cause we gangbanged Plymouth Rock
All the exits are now blocked
Demons lurking in the trees
(That) motherfucker, Squanto, gave me a disease

Tired and hungry, no end in sight
GPS keeps telling me to take a right
No hope in sight, can't be saved
Curse of Myles Standish follows us to the grave

'Cause we gangbanged Plymouth Rock
All the exits are now blocked
Demons lurking in the trees
(That) motherfucker, Squanto, gave me a disease.

Why don't you have a seat right over there?
Track Name: Slithering Face
Oh Yeah
I'm a slithering face
I slid right off the head
of a salesman from South Detroit
And I'm on my way to your dinner plate
And I'm gonna slither up there and eat all your food
Then I'm gonna go hide in the Ladies' Room
And Wait
For a hot one to sit down on the crapper
Then I'm gonna slither on up right onto her face and scream,
"BEWARE OF SATANIC POTATOES!"
And it's gonna freak her out so bad
She's gonna catapult herself out of the country
And then you'll know the horrors of the Slithering Face

And then I'm gonna slide on up to the bar
Slither over the bartender
Order up a drink
And then scream at 'em that I'm a face
And he's gonna freak out and I won't have to pay
Then I'm gonna drive, somehow
To Iceland
where the air smells like Jupiterian Blasphemy

Then I'm gonna go down to the local swimsuit competition
I'm gonna slither my way through the line
And I'm gonna hide next to the sexiest swimsuit model I have ever seen
And I'm gonna wait for her to get into a fight with someone
And her mortal enemy is gonna say,
"Why don't you shove it up your ass?"
And that's when I'm gonna jump in her hand
And she's gonna shove me up that fine little ass of hers
Oh yes she is
And there ain't nothing,
There ain't nothing that Big John Studd can do about it!
You understand where I'm coming from?

I am the Slithering Face
And soon you will bow to the masters
Of the slithering face universe
And I will turn planet Earth into Planet Slithering Face
Oh Yeah

Then, my master plan will be unhatched
And the planet Slithering Face will be devoured by Unicron
Beware of the face from South Detroit
'cause if you seen what this face can do,
You don't wanna know what the rest of that Salesman can do
But if he can burn down the Home Depot, he's alright with me

My brain is on fire
And my nipples have been laminated
Now you won't see the slithering face coming, but it's coming to get ya!
It's gonna get you!
It's gonna steal you, it's gonna kidnap you, it's gonna hide you in the cut out bin
Nobody buys records anymore, so you imagine how hard it is to find something in the record store
Let alone the cut out bin?
You're in trouble
You're lost forever
Well, not forever
Maybe some Unitarian Hipster will buy ya
Tryin to be all independent and stuff
But don't you worry
You don't know this
But the slithering face may consume your home// for you when the night falls//in the back of your...

The Slithering Face will take care of you
Take care of the back of your dress too
You just don't know it yet
But I'm coming for you
And there are no hobos on the stairway to Purgatory
Track Name: Cancelled Funeral
You're wasted - and broke.
Sucks to be - you dying in the dirt
Cancelled - funeral
Services indef'nitely postponed
Desecrated corpse
Left to rot - Bereft of a headstone
Inverted - cross
lacerate and crash right through the skull

You fail at survival
And these caskets ain't cheap.
It's not like they grow on trees.
Not worth a farewell
I'll carve it in your face (spits)
Send flowers somewhere else.

No one to mourn you
Just like I told you
You're no friend of mine
I'd have supported
if you were aborted 'cause
Baby you ain't worth my time

Eleven years on
A metal band - That no one's ever heard
Come too far - to stop
Should probably - be dead like six times over
Spread across - five states
Cacaphonous - Rock blows out your headphones
Banned from - Hoover Dam
for Practicing - The Scumfuc Tradition

You fail at survival
And these caskets ain't cheap (bitch).
(Some coffins are antiques!)
Not worth a farewell
Carve my name in your face (barf)
Go fuckin' hang yourself.


No one to mourn you
Just like I told you
You're no friend of mine (no remorse entwined)
I'd have supported
if you were aborted 'cause
Baby you ain't worth my time (not even a dime)

Wake up to the sea lion barking at the dawn
Let me hear you scream - from the mountaintops
Gotta stash my herb through Arizona state
Gonna drink a keg of gasoline and set Sedona Ablaze
We'll raise the Lone Star flag for Dime's Black Tooth
We smoked some blue amphetamine in the streets of ABQ
Blunted on the strip in Vegas, set my soul on fire
One more game of blackjack before I retire
Left our mark on the walls of (the) Sub-Mission
Said goodbye to San Francisco, ('cause) there's still work to be done

Gather up the dead in the north east
Suck the Bay State dry and vomit to the west coast

Leak embalming fluids down to Austin's house
Mix them with Rhode Island slime

Top dollar on headstone re-sale
Leave us unburied this time

Even in death, we pollute your scene
Can't charge the dead; it ain't no crime to be seen

This space for rent; no place to rest your soul
Get off the property; eviction notice on your 6 foot gaping hole
Is that a bear?
Track Name: Blue Velvet Cake
Hiding in a velvet cake
I wonder what will
become of my fate
when she knifes her way
from the cake who knew
she would want to fellate?

Hit me hard, yeah hit me again
It's just some S&M I learned from a well dressed man
When you're way down, and you feel like you've got nothing left
(DON'T YOU FUCKIN LOOK AT ME)
If there's a good neighbor in the closet, hold a knife to his chest
(DON'T YOU FUCKIN LOOK AT ME)

I exit the industrial slum
Then I chill with Ben and get real drunk
He's one suave fucker, that much is true
Red Velvet cake will soon be blue
Lobotomize the yellow man
Cook his brain in frying pan
I wear my mask and you'll start to see
All the rage inside of me

Hit me hard, yeah hit me again
It's just some S&M I learned from a well dressed man
When you're way down, and you feel like you've got nothing left
(DON'T YOU FUCKIN LOOK AT ME)
If there's a good neighbor in the closet, hold a knife to his chest
(DON'T YOU FUCKIN LOOK AT ME)
Track Name: Interview with AIDS
So sir, let me tell you a tale
The melancholy story
story of my life
I was once so powerful
Living on the thirst
The thirst for blood
Hunting
Hunting in the dark, cold night
Taking their souls
Taking their souls away
No one could touch me
No one could touch me
But then...
And only then...
I got AIDS

...and they call this (call this)
...and they call this the Interview with AIDS (AIDS)
...and they call this (call this)
...and they call this the Interview with AIDS (AIDS)
...and they call this (call this)
...and they call this the Interview with AIDS (AIDS)
...and they call this (call this)
...and they call this the Interview with AIDS (AIDS)

And I pleaded
And I pleaded to Satan
And I pleaded
And I prayed to Satan
Lift me from this curse
Lift me from this curse of AIDS

Satan cured my AIDS, but in return, he commanded me to kill John Goodman
Because of the Blues Brothers 2000
Belushi was pissed

Mercenary for Satan
Mercenary for Satan
I'm a mercenary for Satan
Mercenary for Satan

AIDS AIDS fucking AIDS
AIDS AIDS motherfucking AIDS
AIDS AIDS fucking AIDS
AIDS AIDS motherfucking AIDS
AIDS AIDS fucking AIDS
AIDS AIDS motherfucking AIDS
AIDS AIDS fucking AIDS
AIDS AIDS motherfucking AIDS
Track Name: Villainy Thrives
My story's in the words that that are never said
If you read between the lines, yeah, it's all there
The devil's in the details, and I've got my share
Think that I would scream, if I thought anyone would hear

Bleeding, leaving, love is fleeting
An abstract concept, abuse its meaning
Misleading, no guidance, I never decided
Abandoned, my family, my lovers, misguided

With solitude comes solace, no answers, just bloodlust
Nowhere to go, inside my head
Can I even trust myself?
Can I even trust myself

(The funeral procession is drawing near
And I've run to a place that's so far beyond fear
I promised myself revenge before I die
Even if the price of vengeance comes at my life)

So much I want to say, hoping just to relate
Leveraged by silence in order to save face
Can't come to terms with what's been done
There are things that can happen that one can't recover from

Broken now and seething
Til I'm sick, barely breathing
Now history repeats itself, and my wounds will never mend
Everyone I've ever trusted betrayed me in the end
All of them

With solitude comes solace, no answers, just bloodlust
Nowhere to go, inside my head
Can I even trust myself?
Truly this is hell

There is no karma.
Villainy survives.
There is no karma.
Villainy thrives.
Track Name: Stepping On Snails
i stepped on a snail last night,
i heard it go crunch in the night
it was so dark i couldn't see
path of the snail in front of me
the slimy goo stuck to my shoe
now i feel just like a goon
big daddy snail is after me
he says he gonna fuckin crush me

i was suddenly surrounded by snails
they had me cornered againts the rails
i had to think fast, what do i do?
how about a 2 step on their shells
after dancing all over their shells
i slipped and fell over the rail
as i fell to my death and took my last breath
am i going to heaven or hell?!
Track Name: Yawning Awning
Outside the bar, drinking again
Got a rattlesnake suitcase full of cheap gin
sixty years old, looks a hundred and five
Still thinks he's king of the local bar dive

Still hits on freshman girls like it's his job 9 to 5
Half of them aren't even sure he's alive
Slap him in the face, on him he thinks they fawn
Level of amusement generates a big yawn

He's finally gonna get some play - Amen
The yellow skinned menopause mama wants him
Imagine how beautiful she'll look next to him
As soon as his angel eyed beer goggles kick in

Outside the bar, drinking again
Got an old man's denture clad, shit eating grin
Another girl in the bar avoiding this guy
His iron pyrite guido chain shines in her eye

Dollar store cologne stinks up the bar
Curly chest hair sticks out past his collar
She winces with disgust as it tickles her nose
The wind blows by because of how fast she goes

We're gonna die, yes we will
All the same in the end, yes we do
But when you die, the story that you left behind
Will bore us blind, yes it will

And so, we pull together, feel it strong
Better stories, to live on, keep it long
Campfire burns so bright-Don't
 chase the light out of sight
Don't make us yawn into the night

Told where to go by every young lady
They can't relate to things like social security
One last, little effort to this night he can inject
Came back later, car air fresh'ner 'round his neck

The bouncers had enough; it's time that he's gone
Sitting outside, even the awning 'gins to yawn
Your story is too old and is just over done
To all the awnings out on the strip, we yawn on

And they yawn on

And we yawn on

The ladies of the evening yawn on

And we all yawn on....

And onward we yawn

Hear her, she yawns

And we yawn on....

(Yawn)

Outside the bar, drinking again
He's finally banned for life, left alone with his sin
At least you're a lot closer to 21
In your next life than you are in this one.

And they yawn on

And we yawn on

And soon the ladies of the evening will yawn on